Funerals

Funerals are for suckers. No relief is gained from them. No closure, no sweet goodbye for those who loved you most.

But in time it will become the remembrance of all you were to others. And how over a thousand people came to say goodbye.    

(2/9/2015)

For Khiem

In the mornings I will wake, and the realization of your loss will wash over me anew. 

 For a moment I will allow myself to sit with it and drink it down like deep red wine. 

I will swallow it and feel the burn and be glad for it. Because it means that I'm still here and there is much living to do.

 We know this, because you showed us.

 I'm going to claim it as my own and wallow in my drunken sadness.

 But over time, I will swish the grief in my mouth for a moment and spit it out again.

 I will go about my day, and sometimes pause to acknowledge that bitter sorrowful taste. 

 I’ll allow it to wash over me, whenever I need to. I am glad for this grief, because it means something. It means friendship and laughter and love. 

Someday,  a long long time from now; I will wake and have no thirst, no taste, for grief. My head will be clear and my heart will carry all the sweet memories of you. 

 And we will all make it through.

........
What do you say about the loss of someone who trailed laughter in his wake.  Who could listen to you rant and then have you laughing til you almost peed.  Who poured out wisdom without self righteousness.  Who made sure his girls knew he adored them every single day. Who raised 3 confident and kind daughters. Who adored his wife and was in awe of her beauty and spirit.  Who was more family than friend.  Who treated my children like they were his own.  Who didn't just have hobbies, he had passions...surfing, golf, wood chopping, archery, dogs...  Who was the ONLY one who could tickle my son unmercilessly.  Who taught my daughter to surf and not be afraid in the big water.  Who could disappear with my husband for a 12 hour "golf round" and still be forgiven. Who was his most generous friend.  Who schemed with me on weird food recipes. Who would mourn the loss of each and every little kitten who passed through his life.  Who shared his durian shake with me (Thanks a lot!!). Who was my comrade in field trip adventures, absinthe instigator and King of my BBQ. Who was always generous with his time and heart.  Who made everyone feel the way I do.   What do you say? What do you do?

All that I can think to do....   We promise to keep the wood pile from dwindling so your girls will be safe and warm. We promise to not coddle Ethan too much and keep taking Peyton to the beach.  I promise to try not to dry out the chops, let Mike wear dorky clothes, or take life too seriously. I promise to give T a belly-rub every time I see him. We will make sure the cars are cared for. We will take Tatum ice skating, help Sadie learn to drive, and make sure Savannah's boyfriends are worthy.

I would eat a 1000 durian to have you back, my friend, and hardly know what we'll do without you. I will never go on a field trip without thinking of the time we lost a child at the zoo.  I will never go to the beach without hoping to catch a glimpse of you on a wave.  When females are bringing drama I will think of you dancing around chanting "kd rock butt".  The night my kids come home drunk for the first time, I will yell, "You got no skillz!"  I will toast to you with moonshine.  I will take comfort in seeing you in Savannah's spirit, Sadie's humor and Tatum's eyes.  I will hug your wife every day and be the best friend I can to her.  We will be there.

I can't wait to see you again...I'll bring the sweetbreads.  You keep the bbq lit and save some absinthe for me.