Every once in a while, I revisit my old blogs and kind of do a check-in to see where I’m at. What have I realized? How have I changed? I read this one and it gave me a good boost. While the diet is always improving and changing, overall the idea is right.
Having just come back from a vacation and food-feast, it is a good time to get back in tune with my program and stay aligned as I move forward. I went through quite a bout of depression with my shoulder injury (you’ll note I don’t blog much when I’m sad…those writings are reserved for my own private crazy girl journal…and anyone reading this, should be glad of that!)
Depression is interesting though, because often times it is accompanied by denial. I view that as a self preservation technique to keep myself from sinking too low. A way of forcing myself through the day when I’d actually rather be curled up in a deep hole of self pity. I find that I seek out the company of friends a lot more and enjoy more alcohol-induced laughter. Laughter, in any form, is healing and keeps me moving. I also refer to Amanda Rose and her blog: Rebuild from Depression.
The last 6 mos, I have jumped on and off the healthy band wagon (several times) and have been doing mini yo-yo dieting much to the eye-rolling chagrin of my AKM. Up 5 lbs, down 10. Up 6, down 5…etc. But it’s no wonder. In addition to having a broken shoulder, WAY too many traveling vacations, anniversaries and milestone birthdays (I am indeed a Fabulous 40 year old now) I’m also going through a BIG change in my life. After 4 years, AKM is moving away in 2 weeks and won’t be training me anymore. I’m seized with panic. It brings tears to my eyes if I dwell on it for long. This young man, who could ALMOST be my son, as he sometimes sassily reminds me…has been the strong point of my healthy journey. He took me, a fat and fading fast 36 year old and helped me find the courage and will power to change my outlook. He knew how to deal with my moods, my boredom and my excuses. I cursed him before every visit, sometimes during, but never after. We talked about every range of subjects…over time, nothing seems to be off limits. He is probably just as familiar with my body as my husband is, but in a totally unsexual way. I mean, there is to no one else I can say, “Have you noticed that my butt is looking rounder?” or “Do you see that I’m getting under-arm flab?” I know I’m only his client, but he’s also been my friend…honest and encouraging. Everyone needs a friend like that. I’m going to miss my friend. And I’m seriously worried about what will happen once he’s gone. I’ve taken measures to prevent myself from sinking back to inactivity. But will a bootcamp send me a txt reminding me not to over-eat or asking me if I’m REALLY too sick to train? Will a tennis coach want to hear about the funny things my chickens do? Or be interested in what I’m growing in my garden? I’m skeptical. I’m worried. This was totally NOT the original point of this blog, but I can’t remember WHAT my point was going to be.
Great, now I’m depressed again. I need to go find my crazy girl journal.
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